Dealing With My Surname- A Lamb’s Lament

Photo courtesy of Creative Commons
Photo courtesy of Creative Commons

My voice quakes when I speak.  It irritates the hell out of me and embarrasses me in social situations.  The quaking thing crept up on me over time, starting when I married my husband and took on the surname “Lamb”.

I tell you this as a precaution.  A public service announcement, of sorts.  Before you say “I do” and decide to pack in your maiden name in that hazy, romantic, doe-eyed stage that sets in when he presents you with a rock reminiscent of the Hope diamond–think long and hard, ladies.

My maiden name was perfectly normal and had nothing to do with woolly animals.  Like I said, the quiver began just as I drove away from the church, tin cans clattering in a trail behind the “getaway car”.  The quaking was insidious back then; a little catch in my throat here, a tiny jangle of my vocal chords there.

photo credit: Katharine Hepburn via photopin (license)

Now, after nearly forty years of marriage, when asked my name, I respond in a timorous, quavering voice a la Katharine Hepburn in On Golden Pond.  Whereas Kate received an Oscar for her performance, I get a snort and a chuckle from my audience.

“Hi, what’s your name?” a new acquaintance will ask.

“I’m Heather L-a-a-a-mb,” I bleat.

Okay, Wiseacre.  It’s pretty funny.  But just remember my warning the day you decide to become Mrs. Lipschitz.

Baa, baa for now.



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